The Price of War
by CommanderFlynn
Summary: Shepard never knew the true price of war throughout his service with the Alliance. Not untill the mission to the Collector base.


**I didn't think I would be doing this...Never throughout all my play-throughs of Mass Effect. But I was helping a friend with the Suicide Mission by offering "tactical" support. But by some angry act of the gods Tali'Zorah managed to die. I don't know how as she was loyal and he did everything correctly...but I found myself heavily emotionaly impacted by that death. So I felt that this oneshot was in order...Kinda dragged on a bit but I'm still happy with this.**

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><p>Shepard aimed his Mattock Heavy Assault rifle at the giant Human-Reaper as it reared in pain. Fire erupted from its mouth as it rolled around. Unsure on what was going to happen next as the Reaper fell forward, smashing into the platforms that they were standing on. The platforms tilted dangerously. Miranda lost her footing and started to slip down the platform, unable to stop her fall. Shepard holstered his rifle and dove forward, arm stretched at he attempted to grab her. He caught her hand but her gloves prevented any grip and their hands swung wide. Miranda's eyes went wide as her legs left the platform, soon followed by her entire body. Shepard tried one last grab and their hands gripped each other. She hit the platform hard, the impact knocking the breath out of her lungs as Shepard dug into his heart and pulled her over the edge. The pair of them rolled down the platform and soon came to a stop. Garrus shakily stood up as the place came down around their heads. The last thing Shepard saw was a platform slam into theirs.<p>

He awoke with a throbbing head-ache and several pains in his ribs when he came to. He slowly stood up, forcing a piece of a platform from his back. He looked to the side and saw Garrus trapped by some metal. He rushed over to help him and rolled him onto his back. He let out a gasp but nodded indicating he was okay. Shepard looked to his other side and saw Miranda, pinned by a metal bar and ran over to help. The bar was lighter than he thought as he lifted it and threw it to one side, helping her up.

"-do you copy? Commander. C'mon Shepard don't leave me hanging do you copy" Joker's worried voice filled his ear. He placed his fingers in his ear.

"I'm here Joker; did the ground team make it?"

"All survivors are on board we're just waiting on you"

Shepard turned around as the tell-tale signs of a seeker swarm filled his ears. Without a second of hesitation the three of them ran. Shepard turned around and fired a couple of shots at the swarm before running with his team.

"Human. You've changed nothing" Harbinger's voice boomed around them. "Your species has attracted the attention of those infinitely greater"

Shepard continued to run, ignoring the pain that was building in his legs and ribs. Knowing full well what would happened if he slowed down for a second.

"Those you know as Reapers are your salvation through destruction" Harbinger continued to drone on. Shepard forced himself to resist the urge to shout back at the disembodied voice. Stopping as he nearly ran head first into a Collector patrol. Realising his mistake he pushed his body to the limit as he ran as a torrent of bullets was fired in his direction, slamming into the walls around him. His shields deflection those that got to close for comfort.

As he ran he felt relief wash through him as he saw the Normandy rise up near a large ramp like bridge. The side door opened revealing Joker, slightly hunched as he fired his rifle into the Collector horde, scoring a couple of headshots and wounding half a dozen more. He tripped slightly but kept on running, regaining his balance as he ran, happy that Garrus and Miranda made it onto the ship. He was almost there when a large support beam fell from above, smashing into the make-shift ramp, leaving a huge hole between him and salvation.

Putting all of his will and remaining strength into this last run, he jumped. One more leap of faith. Time seemed to slow as he approached the Normandy but a sickening realisation came soon after.

He wasn't going to make it.

He threw out his arms, gripping the side of the Normandy with all his might as his lower half of his body dangled over nothing but air. Collectors were constantly shooting at them. The Normandy's shields deflecting them easily as Miranda stepped forward and with an almighty pull pulled him aboard. The door closed, encasing them in darkness for a moment before the door behind them opened. Joker quick limped towards the cockpit, discarding his rifle as EDI started a countdown.

"Yea we get the gist EDI! Everyone hold on!" Joker shouted to everyone. Shepard slowly walked towards the CIC, but collapsed on all fours shortly after. Ignoring the fact that they had just blown up a Collector Base and Joker's victory cry, they had done it. And no-one had died.

When he finally found the strength to stand up he looked at Kasumi and her face told him everything he feared.

"I'm sorry Shep" Her voice was quiet and solemn as she held out a weapon and a dark blue hood. "I tried my best to help her but she had too many suit ruptures and under the amount of fire we had…Mordin couldn't get to her in time."

Shepard looked at the shotgun and hood. At first shock shot his brain dead. He wasn't sure on what to say or think as he took the information into his head. Tali had died…The only woman to capture his heart had died…

"Message coming from the Illusive Man. I can tell him to get lost if you want…" Joker asked.

"No, I'll speak to him" Shepard started for the briefing room. He wanted any excuse to not think about what Kasumi told him.

He lifted a beam that blocked the briefing room and threw it to one side. Walking inside as the communications started up. The familiar orange holographic display opening up. He saw the Illusive Man, sitting in his chair like usual and smoking a cigarette as usual.

"Shepard, your making a habit of costing me more than time and money"

"Sorry, I'm having trouble hearing you. I'm getting a lot of bullshit on this line" The snaky remarks made him feel better a little but not entirely.

"Don't try my patience. The technology from that base could have secured human dominance throughout the galaxy, against the Reapers and beyond."

"Human dominance? Or just Cerberus?" Shepard asked him.

The Illusive Man stood up and walked closer towards him. "Strength for Cerberus is strength for every human. Cerberus IS humanity. I should have known you'd choke on the hard decisions, too idealistic from the start" He waved a hand as if to dismiss Shepard.

He found it funny. The Illusive Man poured billions of credits into the Lazarus Project only to reprimand him for his decisions? He should have done his homework. If he did, he knew that he would never work for Cerberus. As far as Shepard was concerned, Cerberus worked for him.

"I'm not looking for your approval, Harbinger is coming and he won't be alone. Humanity needs a leader who is looking out for them" Shepard growled at him. "From now on I'm doing things my way, whether you like it or not"

"Don't you turn your back on me Shepard; I made you I brought you back from the dead"

Shepard smirked and stepped forward. If they were in the same room then their noises would almost be touching. "Should have left Miranda install that control chip" He stepped back a little. "Joker lose this channel" He then turned his back on the Illusive man as Joker lost the Cerberus channel.

Shepard stood in the hanger. In his formal clothing that he wore to Kasumi's heist. He was in-front of a single coffin. A small portrait of Tali was on the end of it, along with her hood. He placed a single hand on the coffin. A single tear fell from his face and onto the coffin. He wanted to cry more. To let loose the torrent of tears that he wanted to shed for both a fallen comrade and his lover. He forced himself to walk away from the coffin towards the rest of the surviving crew, each of them nodding in his direction as Joker handed him a datapad with the schematics of a Reaper.

"I'm going to my quarters" He said solemnly and walked towards the elevator.

Miranda knew that the mission was a success and she was technically no longer part of Cerberus. Part of her feared about that would mean that her sister would no longer get any protection. But that was something she couldn't focus on right now. When she watched Shepard leave the Hanger, she could tell what was going through his mind. It was obvious from his body language. She waited a few minutes before following. Heading up in the elevator and up to his quarters. When she got up there she could hear quiet sobbing from the room. She politely knocked on the door a few times.

"Shepard it's me…can I come in?" she asked. When she heard no answer she opened the door herself and walked in.

Shepard was on his bed, tear's stained his face and his eyes a deep red. He didn't even acknowledge she was there. She knew that Shepard was strong, mentally and physically but even the strongest of men would break down when their hearts were broken.

"It was my fault…" he muttered quietly to himself. Tali's shotgun was on his desk near the bed. Miranda slowly walked forward.

"She knew the risks when she joined us on the mission Shepard"

"But I killed her!" He shouted at her. Fire burning in his eyes. "I should have told her to stay on the ship, or escort the crew back. It was my fault that she was on this mission!" He sat back down on the bed as more tears dropped from his eyes. "Before we hit the relay…she came to my quarters…she trusted me enough that she took a ton of antibiotics and herbal remedies so that we could share a moment…together, unrestricted by her suit…" He looked up to Miranda, the fire gone and now replaced by sadness. "She trusted me to keep her alive and I failed her."

Shepard suddenly felt old. When he joined the Alliance he never expected to chase down a rogue Spectre, fight a sentient AI ship that was hell-bent on killing everything. Dying and being revived only to go on a suicide mission. He sighed as he brought a hand down his face. "Tell Joker to set a course to the Migrant fleet. They deserve to know"

"Right away Commander" Miranda turned and left him, letting out a small breath as she leaned against the wall near the door. She came close to losing her sister but Shepard was there to help her. Despite being near perfect she couldn't possibly tell how it felt for the Commander to lose someone so close to your heart that it would tear you up inside knowing that you were the cause of her death (in an indirect way). For now they had to deal with the Migrant Fleet. She walked inside the elevator. The next few days were going to be difficult.

Shepard was dressed in his Blue and Yellow armour as the Normandy boarded with the flagship of the fleet. He still was unsure on how to tell the Quarians one of their own had died. Tali had taught him a bit about the Quarian society. The thought of her threatened to bring tears with the memories and with a cold heart, he forced them to the back of his mind as he walked towards the airlock.

"I won't be long" He told Joker as he stepped through and into the Quarian decontamination chamber. He put on his N7 breather helmet before proceeding any further as the system whirred lazily into life, decontaminating the Commander of anything harmful to the Quarians (which meant pretty much anything). His armour hosed down by a various chemicals as he slowly walked to the other end. The door opened and he noticed the body suit of Kal'Reegor one of the marines that he first met during their time on Haelstrome.

"Captain Shepard, a pleasant surprise. Things have calmed down a little since you and Tali stirred up the Admiralty Board" He indicated to the side and the pair of them slowly walked towards the area where Tali had defended herself in her trial. "I'm surprised Tali isn't with you. Is she well?"

Shepard looked at Reegor for a moment and shifted uncomfortably on the spot. Despite being behind a helmet his eyes told Reegor everything he needed to know.

"Where is she Captain?" Reegor demanded firmly. Shepard walked to the side where their were no Quarians within earshot.

"She…died during the mission on the Collector home-world. She died like a marine. I felt that you deserved to know that" It took every once of his own willpower to not choke on the words as he told Reegor.

"Keelah…" Reegor muttered in disbelief. He looked at the human in-front of him, taking in the posture of the Commander.

"You loved her didn't you? It's obvious when you observe others through their body language"

Shepard looked at him for a moment and then at the floor. "I failed her Reegor, as a friend, a lover and a comrade."

Reegor walked towards a nearby Quarian and the two conversed before the other one walked away. Reegor walked back to the Commander and indicated for them to keep walking. "I appreciate the sentiment of you telling me Shepard. I'm a marine so I have no idea about romance. But it can't be easy for you right now."

Shepard didn't say anything as they walked into a smaller, official looking room. Reegor indicated for him to sit in a nearby chair and he did.

"If you don't mind, I've requested that the Admiralty board to be present. They would want to know that Tali is no longer with us. Shepard" He took a step forward and placed a hand on his shoulder. "We need you right now to fight the Reapers. Don't give up now. We're both soldiers Shepard don't forget that." He left the room, leaving Shepard alone with his thoughts.

It wasn't long before the Admiralty board walked in and took their places. First to arrive was Admiral Daro'Xen. If Shepard could remember correctly Xen was fascinated by Legion when they came aboard for Tali's trial. Next in the room was Zaal'Koris. Shepard remembered him as being known as a 'Geth sympathiser' back during the trial. Next in the room was Hal'Garrel. While Zaal'Koris was a sympathiser Hal'Garrel was a direct opposite and was a firm supporter in reclaiming their homeworld from the Geth. Last but not least was Shala'Raan. Tali's Aunt. Shepard secretly wished that Shala'Raan wouldn't attend this small meeting. Telling her would be more difficult than anyone else.

"A pleasure to see you again Captain Shepard. If what Reegor has said is true, then I wish it was under better circumstances." Shala'Rann said as they all took their seat's in-front of Shepard.

"It's…true." Was all that Shepard could manage, if he said anymore chances are he would have burst into tears.

"I see…"

Despite the fact that Quarians always wore their masks. Shepards time with Tali had taught him many things about how they show their emotions through their body language. And it was obvious that Shala'Raan was devastated by the news.

"Tell me, how did Tali'Zorah vas Normandy meet her end?" Xen asked.

"She died fighting the Collectors during our mission to stop them from abducting Human colonies. I'm sure you were aware of the mission that Tali committed herself to."

"Yes we were and it's a shame that she died during the mission" Hal'Garrel spoke with authority not a hint of emotion was in his voice.

"At least sound like that you mourn the loss of one of your own" Shepard could feel the anger creep into his tone of voice.

"With respect Captain the fleet has more pressing concerns regarding the Geth on Haelstrom and our home-planet"

"Tali'Zorah was helping my crew to defeat the Collectors and to stop a Reaper from destroying the entire Galaxy. We need the Quarians on our side when the Reapers do come. Please. Honour her memory and abandon your plight against the Geth. If you don't then there won't be a homeworld left for you to return to" Shepard was pleading to the Admiralty board now. He hadn't intended for her name to be used like this. But he had to do something; it's what Tali would have wanted. He knew that much.

"As we stated last time, we need a homeworld to shelter our non-combatants from this Reaper invasion" Hal'Garrel stated in a matter of fact tone.

"The Quarians have always been independent. What you've done with the Fleet is amazing, but now is the time for change. Co-operate with the other colonies out there. I'll make a plea to the Citadel to allow the Quarians to shelter on the Citadel-"

"With respect, from what we know the Council refuses to see the truth of the Reapers, they would not shelter us for a superstition" Shala'Raan interrupted him. "We respect that you informed us of Tali'Zorah vas Normandy's departure. Now we must decide on our next course of action."

"And I thought Garrus has a stick up his ass. Seems like the Quarians are much the same" Joker said. Shepard sighed and rubbed his forehead. They were still docked with the Rayya as they waited for anything from the Board. Shepard was patient enough to aim his rifle accuracy to place a bullet between the eyes of a Collector from 3 miles back but not enough for politicians to make their decisions.

"Yeah. But I need to Respect Tali in life or death." Shepard explained quietly, sitting in a char near Joker.

"So what now?"

"What do you think?" Shepard smirked a little. "We defeat the Reapers when they arrive. I've already lost one thing that was good to me. I'm not going to lose another."

"Nice to have you back Commander. Wait, what's the OTHER good thing? It is me right?" Joker asked.

Shepard couldn't help but chuckle at the pilot.

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><p><strong>So here you have it, a very random and poorly done one-shot. Well done to you if your reading this message :D. <strong>

**If this garners enough interest I remember my own playthrough varly well and I may write it up from ME1 all the way up to ME3 when it comes out in 2012. Reviews and critque are greatly appriciated.**

**Thanks again for taking the time to read all of this!**


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